gOnZoRiFFiC

EROTIC COUCH DVD + Soundtrack now available!

2009-11-21T20:37:03Z

Our sexy new masterpiece THE EROTIC COUCH is now available on DVD for a measly $8. Get it now over at WWW.GONZORIFFIC.COM (click "store") and show your support for DIY underground film making!

If you're too broke, we understand. Dr. Schluss is now offering the soundtrack to Erotic Couch for FREE via his website-
http://psychedelicobscurities.blogspot.com/2009/11/damaged-tape-20092006-erotic.html

You'll also get the soundtrack to 2006's CANNIBAL SISTERS, our most popular title to date.

Facebook users can join the official Gonzoriffic fan page by going here-
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Gonzoriffic/31242417001?ref=ts

STAY BLACK!

Buried Alive Film Fest + Gonzoriffic show

2009-10-05T17:20:24Z

This past Saturday night, I went to Atlanta's historic Plaza Theater for the Buried Alive Horror Film Festival to participate in the filmmaker Q&A part of the show ("Blood Witch" and "Slay Ride" both played as part of the festival program). Our stuff has played this festival a few times over the years, but this was the first time so many of the people involved with making the local stuff were on hand to formally discuss their work with the audience afterward. Not only were all the shorts good, but the filmmakers were really nice people who actively wanted to talk with one another and not just about their own shit. One of the movies was made by guys who work at Adult Swim (I still haven't taken up Jay Edwards on his offer to give me a tour over at Williams Street), and they seemed truly interested in Gonzoriffic (I should have told them about my ideal job, which is doing cartoon voices!). The guy who did the awesome digital FX on one of the other films made a point to come up to me and offer his services for free, should I require any.

It was a great experience. I wish some of the cast had been able to go, as audiences tend to prefer asking questions to the performers (or just seeing "movie stars"), but I'm just happy to have been invited at all. Atlanta is my home town and is where my dream of making movies first began, so it always means something to me to have my stuff shown to audiences there.

So right now the big thing is our upcoming show at Athens Ciné. This will be our third set of midnight screenings, and the first time I've ever tried doing an exhibit of my photography. I selected all the prints last night, and I'm proud of how they look. Just nervous about it because it's not as easy as just hanging them on a wall in a room. The gallery will be in Ciné's "lab" area, a huge space that can be arranged to accommodate pretty much any kind of performance or event. I have to make adequate use of it.

Monica's film "Fox Holes" is also going to premiere at the show (which is now less than 2 weeks away), and we're going to complete shooting tonight. So far, the movie runs about 24 minutes, which is cool because "Erotic Couch" is like 40, which is longer than I'd anticipated. Should work out fine. My plan is to finalize sound fx and music and have the final cut (or at least the cut for the premiere) done by this coming Sunday. I'll author the DVD for the show and deliver it to the theater Monday to have the projectionist check it out. Can't forget to send out the press release this week and to book a slot to promote on the college radio station. Done all of this before a few times, but it never gets any less stressful having to remember everything.

Here's the flier Rachael designed for the show:

And here's how the theater marquee poster looks:

To say I'm excited wouldn't even begin to describe how I feel. I've had a larger outpouring of interest and support for this event than any other in Gonzoriffic history, and I attribute that 100% to the fact that I maintain relationships with these people throughout the year regardless of whether I even know we're doing another show or not. I'm real and I appreciate you. And I know just saying it isn't enough. So the love I've received in kind, the help Gonzoriffic is getting, is a reward for not being a self-absorbed prick the rest of the time. I want to share this with them, and I hope they have a great time.

"Fox Holes", written and directed by Monica Puller

2009-09-21T15:26:55Z

Arrived at Monica's house around 11am Saturday, and we finished shooting sometime around 5am Sunday.

For several reasons, I told her I thought our next movie should be something she wrote, and I wanted her to produce and direct as well. She did it. My hope is that she enjoyed the experience enough to want to do it again. The idea of her directing our movies from now on really appeals to me.

Though the film is radically different in approach, theme and general tone, the set of "Fox Holes" felt a lot like the set of "Kill The Movie", one of our earliest that we shot way back in March 2003. Blood, action, large cast, and a seemingly endless flow of electricity between Monica and I.

By the time this one is completed (hoping to screen it on 10-16 at our show), both our personal CHECK ENGINE lights will have been on for months. But the alternative, always wondering how awesome it might've been if we'd actually just gone for it, is depressing to even imagine.

Something clicked after we returned from our last trip together in early summer. It's been good.

zombie weekend

2009-08-31T21:42:18Z

I spent the weekend running camera, sound and lights for SAFETY FIRST, a mock 1950s educational film about communist zombie invaders. The only time I ever work on other peoples' movies (because I'm ALWAYS wrapped up in our own stuff) is when it's something very special, usually a close friend. In this case, the director was Zomberella, formerly of the Athens and Atlanta roller derby, and I promised her four years ago I'd shoot the project if she ever decided to jump into production.

She did, finally, this month and she was awesome at it. I personally would never have had the guts to undertake something like this, and she got it all done in two very short days. Costumes, makeup, scenes full of people, extensive dialog, props, child actors, fx, it was all there.

Here we are (I'm in green, she has pink hair):

Things I learned from making a sex movie about a sofa bed

2009-08-21T01:10:53Z

Currently staying up till 5 or 6am each day (after coming home from work) editing THE EROTIC COUCH in time for the midnight theatrical premiere on October 16-17 (DVDs will ship the same day for those of you who can't make it out). What started out as just a joke turned into one of the most time-consuming projects I have undertaken since we did our feature-length back in 2007. Never before have I written a film, shot it completely, then gone back to re-write and re-shoot the ending. I have been steadily adding more to the movie since the initial weekend we filmed, including a topless dance sequence that accompanies the opening titles. I've had a lot of interesting experiences making this movie. While I'm no stranger to photographing people without their clothes on, this is the first movie I've made to feature this much bare flesh, and to center completely around sex.

That said, it's not a porn, it's not even soft porn. And the way everyone was shot, no explicit nudity is shown. My feeling was and has always been, at least in terms of the movies I make with my friends, once you show someone's junk then it's all over. You can't go back from that. The mystery is gone. I remember over a decade ago when Craig Hosoda's "The Bare Facts Video Guide" came out, I was fascinated by it until I actually started seeing the nude scenes cataloged in the book. It was always anti-climatic, and it had nothing to do with what their bodies looked like without clothes. You can show someone almost naked a million times and it's always going to be thrilling, but once you reveal all, there is a tangible loss. Not everyone feels this way, that's cool with me, but we're talking about the movies I make here. And this is how it's going to be played.

What I enjoyed most about making this film was how easily and comfortably I directed and photographed scenes where the women interact with the Erotic Couch and each other. I grew up with cable TV, and we were definitely going for an old school sex movie vibe with this one, so I quickly realized all those years of watching cheesy T&A comedies paid off. That's not to say this is the kind of film we made either; I took all the sex scenes very seriously, and made sure everyone looked as good as they would if I were shooting still photos of them. But there's so much non-verbal to this thing, it really was a change for me. The ten-page script yielded a movie that's nearly 40 minutes long. That means there's a lot of ACTION, man. I'm proud of how it came out, and I think everyone else will too.

Some truly incredible things have happened as a result of this project. I'm not talking about getting banned from Facebook or figuring out how to make 3-D (see embedded clip below). There are a small handful of first-time actors in this movie, and a couple of them were people I had only been friends with for a couple of weeks when we started shooting. I take a great amount of care in how images of women are portrayed in the stuff Gonzoriffic produces, and that went double for this project because these women were going to be either half or completely naked in front of my camera. So when not one but two of them told me that working on this project and seeing the footage actually improved their self-image, I thought I might cry. I want art to have power, I don't want to do shit that means nothing. Just as I want the characters in a story to be transformed from who they were at the beginning, I would also like those involved to undergo some kind of change (hopefully for the better). No one here is going on a diet to appear thinner on screen, no one is denied a role based on how they look. If I had to name one thing I want to do with my creativity, it is destroy that type of bullshit, or at least be the exception to it.

I had so much fun making this movie. People think Gonzoriffic is just a low budget horror outfit, but I have always known us to be much more than that. Not a single horror film will be shown at our next midnight event. We've made a variety of movies and I want it to reflect our other areas of expertise, particularly our sex-themed work. Along with the premiere of EROTIC COUCH, the show will feature a gallery of my photography that has never been seen anywhere (and will never be available online or for purchase). I look forward to how it will feel to watch people react to this stuff who think they know me, who think they know us. But mostly I look forward to what kind of things we feel free to dream up next as a result of how successful we were at pulling off this sort of movie.

To the future.

Sprung from Facebook Jail!

2009-07-29T15:15:53Z

Banned from Facebook? It's true.

2009-07-28T21:48:27Z

No one goes to MySpace anymore. Problem with that is, I still make movies and I still want to share that with my friends. What to do? Start posting about them on Facebook.

Worked out fine earlier this year with the trailer for I'M IN THE BASEMENT, but hit a snag when I uploaded the trailer for THE EROTIC COUCH a couple weeks ago. Within minutes, it was taken down. So, rather than upload it again, I just posted YouTube links and that was that.

People put up YouTube links to violent horror films and news footage all the time, and nothing happens.

But it seems Facebook isn't as permissive when it comes to the titty. Despite the fact that our trailer only contains two curse words and absolutely no nudity, my account was disabled outright a few days later. My best guess is that, like MySpace, there is too much activity on the site for Facebook to run around being the police. Someone on my friends list reported my movie as offensive and it resulted in me being gone from the site entirely (every comment I ever made has vanished, it's like I never existed there).

Hannah Neurotica of AX WOUND ZINE took it upon herself to start a campaign to have me re-instated. People have told me just to start a new one, but I would be losing a couple years' worth of journals and several photo galleries it took me hours to post. There are things I posted that I will be gone forever if they don't let me back in. That's the part that bothers me the most.

Help me get all my shit back!

Click the above link to support me if you're a member of Facebook. I'm hoping they will just re-activate me and I can get back to enjoying boobs with the rest of you. If you'd like to see the trailer that got me in trouble, click here. I used to look at that 142 friends count and think, I don't even like 142 people. I should have followed my instinct there.

If and when I get back, house cleaning. If they never commented on or clicked "Like" for my movie stuff (and I remember everyone that did), they're out of the Andrew clubhouse.

Update from the couch

2009-07-24T03:44:59Z

No sure exactly to what I should attribute the huge response our trailer for "The Erotic Couch" is getting. Part of me says it has to do with the Facebook/Twitter times we live in where everyone seeks instant and constant stimulation. Another part of me thinks it's because this is very different from anything else we have ever made. And then there's the part of me that has no problem facing facts: the trailer is full of boobies.

The number of views on Youtube surpassed that of last year's horror comedy release, "I'm In The Basement" within 24 hours. I know several no-budget filmmakers read this journal, so please pay attention when I say this: horror comedy is dead. There are too many out there, most of them are piss poor, no one is buying them and no one wants to invest money to produce them. For right now, it's over. To be honest, not only am I disinterested in doing a horror comedy in the foreseeable future, but I don't really want to do a horror movie either.

Making "Couch" was a blast, and continues to be. I've added more scenes to it because it's been so much fun to make! That's never happened before on any movie I have ever done. Twice now, friends have come to me and said they want to be in the movie, and I have come up with ways to make that happen. Yesterday, I received what may well be one of the highest compliments ever. One of them said, "this has done wonders for my self-esteem."

Some may wonder why a feminist filmmaker would ever take on such a project, let alone revel in the kind of attention it's getting. The end of that last paragraph should say it all. "Erotic Couch" contains realistic-looking women of varied shapes and sizes portrayed in a glamorous, sexy and positive way. It has bonded the crew even further and given us one incredibly fun experience after another. Seeing everyone so happy and creatively satisfied (this film also has been more of a group collaboration than any we've done since 2007's "Fake Blood") means we are doing exactly what we ought to be.

Erotic Couch trailer

2009-07-19T01:55:33Z

Not safe for work. Contains naughty language, tons of cleavage and one sexy-ass couch.

People have asked me who are the new faces in there with the Gonzo regulars. The first woman is Diver Velour, who jumped at the chance to be in a movie after a mutual friend introduced her to Gonzoriffic. As far as first-time roles go, she had one of the most difficult I've ever written. Once you see the movie (DVDs should be available by late September) you'll understand. The second is Holly Ween, someone I've been friends with since 1992 and has adamantly supported each of my creative ventures. I wrote a role for her back in 9th grade but never made the movie because I joined a band, so almost 20 years later I finally cast her in something. Russ Meyer fans will appreciate the angles I shot her from.

Not sure if I'm going to make the actual movie as grungy-looking as that trailer. I was heavily inspired by old school "adult" pictures when we made "Erotic Couch", so I would like it to resemble one in some way. I may actually be one of the few DIY filmmakers purposely taking high definition footage and making it low definition.

What is "The Erotic Couch"?

2009-07-14T02:51:11Z

It goes like this:

One of the things Monica and I did on our last field trip was pay a visit to Alternative Cinema studios in Butler, NJ at the request of head cheese Mike Raso. Our relationship with Mike goes back to the late '90s when I was writing reviews of some of the company's very first releases. In 2001 when Monica and I recorded an album with our band, Mike granted us permission to use an audio clip from "Mistress Frankenstein", one of our favorite low budget camp masterpieces. It turned outto be the main film that inspired us to get serious about making our own films. The day after our band broke up, we shot "Buttonhead", which was heavily influenced by "Mistress Frankenstein". All the while, I remained a fan of Alternative Cinema and continue to review their films to this day (I even wrote the DVD liner notes to "Kinky Kong" back in 2006).

While at the studio, Mike showed us this awesome red couch which we instantly recognized from many of AC's erotic epics, and told us we could have it if we could manage to get it out of there. Since it wouldn't fit in our carry-on luggage, we regretfully declined, but Monica's gears started turning. By the time we were home, she'd outlined the plot for a film called "The Erotic Couch". Never mind the fact that I'd been steadily making progress on an entirely different script - it had been months since we shot anything and our next project was going to be a pretty heavy drama. "Erotic Couch" sounded fun, so Monica gathered all her ideas and I wrote a shooting script based on them in a matter of hours. I shot a sequence with Countess Samela even before I'd written a single thing, just as a test to see how exactly Gonzoriffic would handle a decidedly sexy movie. What we ended up with was squirm-inducing, somewhere between hilarious and smoldering hot. I can't wait to see how it turns out.

Come check us out on Facebook to see some advance artwork and still from the movie. Don't let the "X" on the posters mislead you - this movie doesn't feature anything more explicit than you've seen from us in the past in terms of bare flesh. What you can expect is to see the crew doing stuff you've not only never seen them do before, but you likely have never seen ANYONE do before. We took the couch idea to a place I don't think anybody is expecting us to go, and I'm proud of that. It's going to go over well with an audience.

Speaking of which, I think I've come up with a plan for the next Gonzoriffic Midnight show downtown. Last October we did a horror-themed show, so this one I want to be sexuality-themed. We will show "Two In The Pink", "Wake Up", "The Erotic Couch" and who knows what else, but I also plan on hosting a gallery of my nude photography that no one outside the crew has ever seen before. I've been wanting to do this for a long time and I think this would be the best way to make it happen.

Gears turning. More later.

I met Linnea Quigley.

2009-07-02T03:34:40Z

The honest truth is that I haven’t been able to think about much else since meeting Linnea Quigley at a film festival last weekend in New York City. And though she may not be a name in your household, a true horror movie fan’s heart should have skipped a beat reading that last sentence. From the late ‘70s on through the present day, she has starred in over 100 movies, two of which (“Return Of The Living Dead” and “Night Of The Demons”) are in my personal top ten list of all time. I had a poster of her in my school locker when I was in seventh grade. Back then, other guys were into Cindy Crawford or Janet Jackson, but my heart belonged to Linnea Quigley, a 5’ 2” blond who was quite handy with a chain saw. You’ve heard the term “Scream Queen”? Well it belongs to her.

Long story short, a filmmaker I’m friends with hired Linnea (who currently resides in Florida) to emcee a festival at the Anthology Film Archives in NYC, and invited me to come up for the show. When I arrived at the theater, fans had already started gathering outside. The first words I heard as I passed by them were, “living legend”, and the cool head I’d managed to gather sitting in traffic for an hour beforehand began to thaw. I knew I didn’t want to be standing among them when Linnea arrived at the theater, lame as that sounds. The personal introduction I wanted was worth waiting for no matter what, even if it didn’t end up happening (again, lame, I know). But it wasn’t long before I was being lead over the velvet rope and into the screening room to meet the Queen. I kept switching the Ziploc bag full of items I wanted Linnea to autograph (just incase it rained, which it DID, so there!) from hand to hand so that neither would be all weird and sweaty when I went to shake hers. I stood patiently for a couple minutes as Linnea stood onstage checking the mic, going over the list of films she would be introducing, and being about 20 feet away from me. Next thing I knew, she walked over and we were introduced. I was about as collected as one would ever hope to be, and didn’t let it show that my inner pre-teen horror movie nerd was jumping up and down like some maniac. I politely asked if she had enough time to sign my copy of Jewel Shepard’s “Invasion Of The B-Girls”, a book of collected interviews with Linnea’s peers and those who came before her (a 007 “Bond Girl” or two, various ‘50s monster movie starlets and more) that I purchased at Atlanta’s long-gone Oxford Books at age fourteen.

Linnea stopped what she was doing, walked over to the side of the stage, knelt down and signed everything I brought; the book and a half dozen DVD sleeves as well (she wrote something different on each one). I tried to keep quiet and not lay the compliments on too thick, not to seem weird by letting her know just how big a fan I was, or how long I’d been one. She was cool as can be, which helped me stay calm and normal, and I just sat there trying to take it in, making sure I’d remember it forever. I’ve met people whose work I enjoy, but only a small hand full of times have I been fortunate enough to interact in such a way with someone I’d been into for so long. I thanked her, she told me she was “honored”, and I told her to keep the brand-new silver sharpie I’d brought with me for this specific purpose. “For when you’re mobbed by fans after the show”, I said. She was modest enough to make a “Yeah, right” kind of shrug, but I knew better. And it totally happened.

Right now, you’re either thinking, “Andrew is a dork”, or “that’s really, really sweet”. You’d be right, but this isn’t even the best part of the story. After the show, I followed my friends to a little Rock N’ Roll bar called Double Down, knowing full well that I have no idea what to do in bars because I’m shy and I don’t drink. What happened next couldn’t have been written better by the most sentimental, cheezball romcom scribe: Linnea walked in, ordered a Coke, and stood there looking kind of lost. Since I was there with people she knew, and we were already acquainted, I walked over to Linnea and told her I honestly had no idea what I was supposed to be doing. She said, “I don’t know either”, so I suggested we sit down near the front window of the bar, as far away from the groups of happy revelers and loud music as we could get. Not only did she take me up on it, but we ended up talking for a good hour or two. As she was intermittently spotted by fans, I got to be on the inside of what that situation is like. One guy had a tattoo based on one of her films, another called a buddy on his cell phone (“You’re not gonna believe who’s in here! I told you you shoulda came out with me tonight!”) and asked Linnea to say hello, which she obliged because she’s awesome. My head is so full of otherwise useless horror and cult film knowledge that there’s little to no room for things like important phone numbers, simple mathematics or even remembering to put on shoes before I leave the house, but for that brief window of time, I was the man. At one point, a small group of Linnea’s devoted subjects surrounded us as I rattled off names of directors, years films were made, co-stars, you name it. I didn’t miss a beat, and could not have dreamed it better.

The batteries in my camera were dead by that time. A guy got a shot of us sitting together, but who knows if I’ll ever get it. That’s not the point at all. When it was time to go, Linnea hugged me and I thanked her for being so cool to me. She walked outside and said goodbye to a few people smoking out on the sidewalk, and I had to keep myself from waving at her through the bar window. Enough, Andrew. You did good, don’t blow it now. Before she walked off, Linnea looked right in at me and winked. I told my friends, I could have been hit by a truck that night and would still have considered myself one of the luckiest people in the world. Okay, yes, I’m a geek about a few things. I’ve got passion. Women like Linnea are famous, but they seldom get the rewards and recognition they deserve for their years of standing there naked, covered in fake blood, screaming as whatever creature or psycho terrorizes them in front of a cheap camera. The term “Scream Queen” has long since been co-opted by a whole generation of actresses who haven’t come close to earning it, yet will likely make more money anyway. Even in mainstream movies (“The Hangover” is a perfect example), women often get the most derivative, forgettable, cookie-cutter roles available. Just imagine what happens in the low-budget film world. If you’re strong and talented enough to endure for as long as Linnea Quigley has, the best break you get is a legion of adoring fans that will love anything you do forever and ever. The amount of respect I have for women like her cannot be measured, and I wish nothing but the best for her.

This is why I sell our movies for $5 at conventions.

2009-06-18T23:21:32Z

Monica discovered a blog entry written by a young woman who bought one of every film we had for sale at last April's Cinema Wasteland show. Check this out:

http://spectresonagravenhill.blogspot.com/2009/06/go-gonzoriffic.html

Far as I'm concerned, she gets free movies from us for life. I will gladly take this sort of recognition over the shallow, meaningless, fleeting "success" that comes from signing a distribution deal. A barcode and a sticker on another piece of plastic for the value bin? No thanks. The coolest girls on the planet dig Gonzoriffic, and that is a fact I wear proudly as the badge of honor it is.

The blog made me realize I never made a trailer for I'm In The Basement, so this morning I threw a little something together. It never dawned on me just how much modern Hollywood trailers rely on the same exact set of loud sound effect cues! Anyone can do it...[BEWARE! TRAILER CONTAINS NAUGHTY LANGUAGE]

I'm going to meet Linnea Quigley.

2009-06-06T00:54:49Z

I'm currently in the middle of writing our latest movie. How I know I'm completely in my mode is when I go to bed thinking about the story, dream about the story, and wake up thinking more shit about the story. I could probably go downtown and get stabbed by a guy wearing a Mister Peanut costume and still think about the story. But I'm superstitious about talking too much about projects before I've actually shot anything (you'd think after 6 years and over 20 movies I'd be over it, but I'm not), so that's all I can say on that for now.

The biggest news is Monica and I are flying out to go see this in just a couple of weeks:

Like Gonzoriffic, Chainsaw Kiss is a DIY filmmaking gang of friends that produce and self-distribute all their own movies, and they're putting on a show (like we did a few times last year) featuring a selection of their stuff. Of course, we didn't have bands playing and didn't have a legendary horror star hosting ours, but then again, we're in Georgia. Home of Waffle House and 1-85. Linnea is one of my heroes, I've been a huge fan of hers since I first picked up a Fangoria way back in like 6th grade. I have often said it is my destiny to meet her, and now thanks to our friend Ruby it's going to happen. Will I faint, or will I be cool? Watch this space!

An Open Letter to Marilyn Chambers

2009-04-24T21:06:14Z

The first sex ed class I ever went to took place in 5th grade at Fernbank Science Center. Boys and girls went separately, and they put us in different rooms to show us different movies. Our teacher then warned us that anyone caught laughing during the presentation would be sent out to wait in the bus. With that, the lights went down, and Fernbank showed us a cartoon featuring a cartoon erection. No one’s allowed to laugh, remember? It was excruciating. The following year, we returned to the same place, only this time co-ed. I can remember feeling embarrassed for the girls in the room as the mysteries of the female anatomy were explained. I didn’t make eye contact with anyone. And, yes, the animated weenis made an encore appearance.

While I don’t recall my parents ever discussing sex with me, I think they might’ve been confident that I was mature enough to figure it out. Due to the presence of Easyriders magazine, books about nude and erotic photography, and R-rated films in our home, the female form was something I was entirely comfortable with at an early age. My folks made sure I knew there was nothing dirty or bad about the human body, and I distinctly remember my mom explaining to me that the pictures in those books were “art”. However, the details of sex remained elusive. I remember looking up a lot of different words in these giant medical encyclopedias we had (bound in red with gold foil lettering), including the exact definition of the act of sex. There were drawings similar to the ones I’d seen in sex ed, mostly cross-sections that weren’t exactly appealing. The mechanics were completely understood, but at a certain point, there’s only so much you can learn without seeing the real deal in action.

Lots of memories have come back to me while writing this. Somehow, a friend and I happened upon a copy of “The Joy Of Sex”, a lovers’ instruction manual full of drawings of a couple in multiple positions. This proved to be more comedic than thrilling, mostly due to the fact that the man and woman in the drawings gave away how old the book was. The dude had a moustache and a ‘fro, the woman had short hair. The drawings of her wearing intimate gear were hysterical, and we pretty much laughed through the entire thing. My greatest memory walking away from it was thinking how silly it was to have such a book in your house, and who the hell drew those pictures? In years since, from what I understand, they’ve updated the book with all-new artwork.

Clive Barker helped things along to a degree. I picked up “Books Of Blood” volumes one, two and three at K-Mart for my summer reading on a trip to New York. No one had any idea what was in these books. The covers had cheap-looking Halloween masks lit with party gels, so they looked harmless enough. But the sex in Clive’s stories was hot cha cha, full of the kind of details you weren’t going to get in a medical textbook. Men and women, women and women, men and men, doing all kinds of things I’d never even heard of before. Rather than be repulsed, I was fascinated, accepting the fact that people actually did this stuff with each other, and they liked it.

(Note: I’m not sure what year he actually came out, but I remember hearing Clive Barker was gay sometime in 1992. By that time, I’d collected so many of his books, movies, comics and interviews, all that did was add dimension to an already fascinating man. At that point, there was not an ounce of homophobia in my 14-year-old mind, and I have stayed that way.)

Still, those were drawings and words, and I had yet to set eyes on the act itself. That all changed the day a new VHS tape appeared in our family library, hiding in plain sight behind the extensive horror collection in the far corner of our living room. Only he could say for sure, but I always assumed dad meant for me to find the tape. After all, I was a movie fanatic from an early age, so it’s not like the video cabinet was off limits. Quite the opposite, actually – it was something I was quite familiar with. Familiar enough to notice immediately when something new had been added, even if it didn’t have a nice, shiny, labeled case (make no mistake, our shit was well-organized). The only mark it bore was “XXX”, and I knew what that meant. Watch immediately, just keep it on the down low. Part of that I did successfully, the other not so much, but I’m grown now and I have no problem admitting I made a couple errors in judgment.

Directed by Stu Segall (aka Godfrey Daniels) and starring the late, great Marilyn Chambers, “Insatiable” was approximately 12 years old when I saw it, but then again, that’s exactly how old I was when I found the tape and played it. Released in 1980, the film was a high-end 35mm production with good acting, a plot, excellent camera work and a breezy soundtrack. In other words, it looked and felt like a real movie, not like a camcorder placed in some creep’s living room. However, when the love scenes happened, as you can imagine, things progressed far beyond what I’d caught glimpses of in R-rated films or in magazines. These people were doing the things I’d read about in Clive’s books, the things those cheesy drawings in “The Joy Of Sex” showed. No detail was spared, and the cinematography got as up close and personal as possible without becoming a flesh-and-blood version of the medical textbooks and cross-sections I mentioned earlier. Not only did I see what everything looked like, I saw here everything went, how it got there, what kind of reaction to expect from your partner if you were doing it right, and of course, the confetti and fireworks at the end.

Skip this paragraph if you want to be spared what might be considered “TMI” (too much information). While the scenes between male and female certainly held a degree of interest for me upon the first viewing, it was Marilyn’s lesbian scene in the outdoor Jacuzzi tub that caused my jaw to become slack and my eyes wide as saucers. Had I found either actress remotely attractive, I doubt I would’ve paid as close attention as I did. Neither fit the picture of “beautiful woman” I had in my pre-teen brain, as both were quite thin and almost boyish physically, so my focus instead trained on what they were doing to one another. Where their fingers went, what they did with their mouths, with their tongues. Sitting here now, thinking back on the scene, there’s a certain point where it’s as if the film turns into a how-to video. Later, as I had my own intimate experiences with the opposite sex, I would of course discover that not everything I saw in the movie produced the effect it did on Marilyn and her gal pal, but for the most part, it proved invaluable as a starting point. Rave reviews across the board, never a complaint. I can’t imagine how intimidated I might have been had I never watched “Insatiable”.

As for those errors in judgment: those occurred as a result of my not being able to keep my mouth shut about the video tape. I told my best friend at the time about it, and of course he wanted to check it out. Now, I wouldn’t dream of sitting there watching it with him in the living room or in my bedroom. Way too awkward and weird (my younger brother, upon discovering the tape for himself, had no reservations about creating a mini porn party for his buddies one day after school before our parents got home). Ever the creative genius, I placed the tape in my VHS camcorder and let my friend view parts of the film though the camera’s eyepiece. When you’re that young and you’re seeing porn for the first time, I guess you don’t care so much that it’s on a tiny, 1x1-inch black and white screen. I’ll be perfectly honest here, as a kid I felt a sense of pride knowing I was the one to shock my friends with comics, music and movies they’d never seen or heard of before. Extreme entertainment, be it an explicit rap song or a gory horror film, appeals to young boys because it’s new and exciting. It’s not something every kid can get a hold of, so you’re the man if you get to be the one who introduces it to your crew. That was me. Was it the wrong thing to do? Let’s just say I’ve always felt a degree of guilt about it. Not so much because I showed the movie to my friend, but because his younger brother, who couldn’t have been more than eight or nine years old, was there too. I remember my friend had to bring him everywhere he went, and it was always a drag, but in this particular case I can’t believe how irresponsible I was. The little man wanted to see, and his brother let him. Wasn’t my call, but looking back, I should have taken it away. The only thing I can say in my own defense now is, I only let them see about three minutes, and it was on fast-forward the entire time.

In no time, as quickly as the tape had appeared in our house, it was gone. My brother and I didn’t hunt for it, it was just missing one day. And not long after, it seemed, the books and magazines followed. No more “Masterpieces Of Erotic Photography” (which I later won on ebay for nostalgia, only to be quite disappointed when I thumbed through it), no more “Easyriders”. It was all gone. But in truth, as young men, we didn’t need it anymore. Whatever we were going to see and absorb from that stuff, we did. The flesh harvest may have been mom’s doing, it could have been a joint decision between my folks, but nonetheless, we’d have to acquire our own if we wanted to see that kind of thing in the future. But as odd as it may sound, not only did I never purchase any adult material for myself, I never got the thrill out of it that my friends did either. I was interested in girls, wanted to know for myself, and got a much greater thrill out of getting to know them and becoming acquainted with their side of the experience. I have no doubt that my interest in art created by women, and art about women, has got some sort of root in this. It’s like I was telling a friend the other night, I’m a guy, and I just don’t find the subject of men to be nearly as captivating. In some ways, I still have a lot of curiosity. Probably always will. But that keeps my passion exactly where it needs to be, assures me there will always be stories to be told, themes to be explored, and above all – voices that demand being listened to.

The last note I posted detailed my visit to Cinema Wasteland in Cleveland, Ohio a couple weekends ago. What I didn’t mention was that I previously had plans to attend the show last fall, and had gone as far as to book my hotel room before having to cancel due to various circumstances. Marilyn Chambers was a guest at that show, and I fully intended on relating this story to her (after she signed the giant VHS box of “Insatiable” my friend Kristi gave me several years ago after finding out it was the first porn I ever watched), but in light of her untimely passing this week at the age of 56, I know that I will never get the chance. In all the obituary articles I’ve read, Marilyn’s daughter McKenna Marie is named, and I hope she knows that her mother’s career isn’t anything to be ashamed of. I’ll be the first to admit I think it’s sad that David Cronenberg’s “Rabid” was as close to mainstream success as Marilyn ever got (her performance is outstanding, and the film is widely regarded as a horror classic), because he’s known for excellent choices as far as casting is concerned, as well as being one of the masters of his craft. He didn’t make a mistake, fans love the film, so what happened? The answer is simple: Americans are freaked out by porn. They love it, but won’t admit it. In France, a respected, progressive filmmaker like Catherine Breillat can cast adult film star Rocco Siffredi as the lead in not one but two of her most well-regarded films (“Romance, “Anatomy Of Hell”), but here, people still mention Traci Lords’ porn “career” even though she has been working steadily in mainstream film since the ‘80s. Forget about on-screen sex, we disowned Janet Jackson after she showed part of her bare breast on television. I don’t care what you think about me, but that was the most interesting thing that ever happened in the world of televised sports as far as I’m concerned. The stigma we attach to actresses like Marilyn Chambers is both sickening and embarrassing, and she shouldn’t be dead. She should be in Rob Zombie’s next movie like Ginger Lynn was in “Devil’s Rejects”. She should’ve been on “Sex And The City” or “Desperate Housewives”. No wonder I’m an underground filmmaker who lives thousands of miles from Hollywood, making payments on a Scion and eating ramen noodles on the night shift. I clearly do not understand the entertainment business, nor could I ever work comfortably within its strict confines.

What I would’ve told Marilyn was thank you. Thank you for doing something that was revolutionary for its time, breaking racial and social taboos, but also for being an important part of my sex education. You saved me from what might’ve been soul-crushing embarrassment and who knows what kind of fears, anxieties and hang-ups, and you saved my parents the awkwardness of having to have “the talk” with me. There are some things they just don’t cover in health class, even in public school, and I’m grateful for your brief but important appearance in my young life.

©2009 Andrew Shearer

Cinema Wasteland, Faces Of Schlock + T-Shirts

2009-04-01T02:44:36Z

This weekend, Gonzoriffic is off to Cleveland, Ohio for CINEMA WASTELAND! We'll be at the Faces Of Schlock table, along with the other filmmakers involved in the feature-length anthology DVD release, selling our stuff and catching up with our Ohio friends. If you're anywhere near the Cleveland area, consider making the trip. We don't find ourselves out that way too often, and it's always a lot of goddamn fun.

Here's the trailer for the DVD, featuring scenes from the film we made ("Blood Witch") as well as another one I wrote ("Slay Ride", starring Ruby LaRocca):

Looking to display your love for Gonzoriffic across your boobies? Head over to our Cafepress store and check out the new t-shirts featuring artwork by our friend Rachael Deacon. Making shirts is expensive, so this is the best way to get one at the moment (we don't make any money off these). People are always asking where they can get a Gonzoriffic shirt - there you go.

That's all for now, muddafuckas.

zoe bell interview

2009-03-22T03:19:39Z

here's the interview i did with zoe bell:

http://pretty-scary.net/?q=content/zoe-bell-deathproof-kill-bill-angel-death

heidi included some essential videos along with the text.

check it out.

-A

go gonzoriffic

2009-02-21T09:26:11Z

i woke up tuesday morning with an idea for a gonzoriffic ad. wrote and filmed it wednesday, edited thursday, compressed friday and uploaded today.

So you think you're a Scream Queen? (NSFW)

2009-02-15T18:40:07Z

Let one of the masters give you a little lesson...

LINK:
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xmbgd_scream-queen-hot-tub-party-1991_news

quote

2009-02-14T05:00:39Z

"If I have to give out one piece of advice on success it would be, ‘Finish what you start.’" - James Gunn

Andrew + Monica answer the call of the Queen B

2009-02-11T03:51:38Z

Apparently, the 2006 documentary Debbie Rochon Confidential: My Years in Tromaville Exposed! is finally getting released on DVD this year. Yesterday, Monica and I were asked by the queen herself to contribute to the disc! This is a very exciting and meaningful opportunity for us, as Debbie's talent and work ethic have remained our single greatest inspiration since the very beginning. We are shooting something next week (the deadline is fast approaching), and have already hatched some very entertaining ideas.

Debbie Rochon is not only my favorite actor of all time, but is such an incredible human being I have to pinch myself when I speak to her to make sure I'm not imagining it. We love you, Debbie. Sincerely.

Soon as Troma announces a release date, I'll let everyone know. Stay tuned!

(11.28.09 - ANDREW'S NOTE - Monica and I went to considerable trouble to shoot our interview for this DVD, sent it in, and never heard anything back. As of this writing, there is no release date for it.)

Mia Zapata's killer again gets 37 years

2009-02-05T06:35:23Z

Man returns to court asking only that his original sentence be reimposed

LINK:
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/398055_zapata30.html

GONZORIFFIC at CINEMA WASTELAND!

2009-02-05T02:51:30Z

it's official: gonzoriffic will be returning to cinema wasteland for the upcoming show (april 3-5, 2009) in cleveland, ohio. hotel is booked, plane tickets are paid for, and we're sharing a table with our FACES OF SCHLOCK partners to promote the new DVD.

http://cinemawasteland.com/show.html

more details will emerge as the date draws closer, but for now we are just excited to finally be going back. this will be our third-ever convention appearance, following our previous wasteland show in 2006 and twisted nightmare weekend in 2004. can't wait ;-)

letterman: "what was i thinking?"

2009-02-02T19:12:50Z

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/01/31/unseen-bill-hicks-stand-u_n_162799.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUbB_D-dYp8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yTVDoSRKq0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBC1dKGO2_A

quote

2009-01-28T23:33:59Z

"I have always drawn my own comics, made my own zines, shot my own movies on Super-8 and video. I now know this is called DIY but we used to call it being a nerd." - John Oak Dalton

DIY freddy costume

2009-01-28T16:38:32Z

my dad found this photo of me, not exactly sure when it was taken but i estimate it was around 1986. i loved freddy krueger, and dressed as him every halloween for years, but it took me awhile to be able to afford the complete costume.

i bought the mask and hat first, and improvised the rest (the following year i got the glove, then the sweater a year after that). for those who want to make your own, just use thick ski gloves and attach drinking straws (painted silver, trimmed sharp at the ends) using masking tape.